I feel my soul
untying from my body.
As I start to float in the air
I turn around
and look down.
I see my naked body
lying in the bathtub full of blood.
I see the pistol lying next to me on the floor,
and the place where I shot myself.
The heart.
Cuz that’s where I felt most of my pain.
I didn’t want to hurt anymore.
So I thought
if I just stop my heart
all my hurt and sorrow would go away.
But now as I stare down
at my lifeless self
I realize
my life was better than I thought.
What did I do to myself?!
I screamed
but I don’t hear a thing.
I pray to God to forgive me
and let me live.
I hope all this is a dream
that any second now I will wake up
to my alarm clock.
But I don’t wake up.
I’m floating higher and higher.
I’m at the gates of Heaven now.
I ask God to forgive me
and not to send me to hell.
He says, “Not to worry my child.
I am here for you
every step of the way.
You will stay in Heaven with me
for the rest of your days.”
I feel better now.
I feel safe
and protected.
Like if the Devil tried to reach out his hands
and snatch me away
he wouldn’t be able to
cuz God is my savior
and he has saved me
from the Devil’s clutch.

excerpt from Love! Lost! Pain! published by Jessica Trapp

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