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THE LOWDOWN

In our final episode of this series, I want to touch on something we've all grappled with—money. Whether it's overcoming debt, navigating pay raises, or planning for the future, the journey to financial stability is often fraught with uncertainty and self-doubt.

But here's the thing—we're all in this together. From navigating student loans to grappling with societal pressures, each of us has our own financial story to tell. And while the road ahead may seem daunting at times, it's important to remember that mistakes are a natural part of the journey.

In fact, they're often the catalyst for growth and self-discovery. So whether you're celebrating a pay raise or grappling with unexpected expenses, take a moment to pause and reflect on your financial journey. Where are you now, and where do you want to be?

But remember, life isn't just about chasing numbers on a balance sheet; it's about embracing the present moment and finding joy in the journey. So as you navigate the twists and turns of life, remember to pause, take a breath, and soak in the beauty of the scenery around you.

Until next time, keep embracing life's scenic routes, and remember—you've got this.

MENTIONED IN SHOW:

Website: www.lovealwaysjess.com/getstarted

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love.always.jess

SHOW NOTES:

Episode begins at [00:00:54]

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Hey everyone, I hope you're doing well. I am [00:01:00] currently sitting on the couch with food poisoning, so this is not fun, um, but I just had a fabulous weekend with my friends. We went on a road trip, um, got to see different types of animals and plant life. We went on hikes, walked down to the beaches, and just spent some quality time with each other.

It was really so refreshing and I'm grateful for these moments in life where we get to just pause on the mundane activities that we do day to day, like work. Going to the gym, our daily routines, and walk away from that and do something different. Explore, see what the world has to offer. It's, it puts you in a new perspective for life, and it also allows [00:02:00] you to open your eyes to the different things that are out in the world.

Which I love. I thoroughly appreciate, um, I really enjoyed seeing the different reactions from my friends when it came to certain things. You know, we, we came across banana slugs and we were driving and just off the side of the freeway there were zebras. Um, you know, so it's, it's like these, these moments that If we were to stay within our four walls, or in our daily routines, we wouldn't get to experience them.

Um, there's so much out in the world, there's so much that nature has to offer us, that without getting out and exploring, we don't really get to experience. I've been thinking a lot lately about the grind and the hustle, the time and effort and [00:03:00] energy put in to achieving our dreams and our goals.

And although that's important, and it's important to recognize that We do need to make changes and sacrifices in our lives sometimes to attain those goals. It's also important to realize that it's okay to enjoy life right now. One of the conversations that we talked about In our car ride was the act of living in the present and how the American dream or maybe not just the American dream, but just life in general is super fixated on the future outcome that we forget to live in the moment and we forget to pause and take time to just enjoy being.

On this road trip and mainly in the friend group, I [00:04:00] am the friend who keeps track of time, makes sure that we stay on task, and we had planned out to certain time blocks of where we would spend time at different things. Obviously we didn't stay on track and my friends would be like, Jessica, why aren't we staying on track?

And honestly, I try, but it was also okay. That we were behind. Although we had time windows that we wanted to try to stick to. It was also important to us stay in the moment and just enjoy and just be present.

It was really lovely to

sit, experience the waves crashing, or walk slowly through a forest and see the wondrous trees.

I remember one moment [00:05:00] I came towards the end of a trail and I was like, oh, that's weird. The trail kind of veers up a couple of feet ahead, but then ends and then you have to come back down to go in a different direction. I'm like, why would they do that? I don't understand. So like, I walked to the end of the trail and I like took some pictures.

I was like, oh, okay, this is yeah, okay, cool. And then I turned around and there was this majestic tree and the hole in the tree was at my jaw dropped and I was just like whoa and my friends came running and we were just like oh my gosh this is so cool and it was a moment where I was like this is why they extended the trail past this point and then had you come back down to continue It wasn't placed haphazardly, it wasn't placed [00:06:00] randomly.

It was to come and see this Magni magnificent beauty

and all throughout the rest of the day. You know, I'd be walking, and some people would walk, kind of like, do the same thing, and they'd be like, Oh, I don't understand why this trail is here. And if I'd see it, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, go back, go back. And then they, they're like, what, huh? And I'm like, just go back, trust me, go back.

and turned and they did and they were just their eyes and their expressions and I was like, see it's worth it. So it's one of those like moments where

sometimes we can be caught in the forward moving, oh the path ends here, I can't get past this moment, I don't know if I'm going to make it. I probably should turn around

almost before that happens and and just be present and do a 360, see what's surrounding you. And obviously not just the [00:07:00] physical realm, but in the emotional realm and the mental realm. Because sometimes there's something there to be seen that we may not otherwise see.

And there's just so much beauty out there in the world that it's important to pause and take those moments and be present and not be on a timeline and not be so focused on what you have going on back at home or what, what's coming in the future, being present and enjoying life. right here and right now is what's important.

Now I know that's kind of a tangent I went off on.

Today is our last episode of money for the current series at Brian. Starting next week we're gonna begin talking about sex, but today I want to talk about everything we've talked about up until this [00:08:00] moment. Feelings of shame, being able to ask for more money,

ignoring your finances, quick fixes, Staying in the struggle, you know, not feeling like it's too late to get started. Um, and going through my systems of organizing, familiarizing myself and planning my finances out. All of this can feel intimidating. It's,

a lot of emotions come up when it comes to finances. We barely touched the surface. There are so many other things we could have conversations on. There are so many other emotions and thoughts and things to figure out when it comes to finances. That it can sometimes feel like you're drowning. And that you can't see the other side.

I shared, I think on the first episode that [00:09:00] I've been 25, 000 in debt with credit card, I've had over a hundred thousand dollars in debt with student loans, I've made as little as 35, 000 a year, and now I'm in the six figure range and it's one of those things where finances are always going to be in our lives.

And we are going to make mistakes, maybe not drastic mistakes, or maybe drastic in some ways. What's important is learning from those mistakes, and I don't say mistakes to make you feel bad, but we've all made choices in life that we look back on and go, that probably wasn't the wisest choice. But I don't want you sitting here and thinking you're a bad person or you did wrong or you're never going to be able to get out [00:10:00] of the rat race of life with where you're at.

There's always a solution. The solution might take longer than planned, but you are 100 percent capable of figuring this out.

We as Humans growing up in an educative system that doesn't really focus on the real world in our education have

been hindered from being able to truly understand the ins and outs of finances. So this isn't your fault. Maybe you grew up in a household where money was looked at as a bad and your parents didn't talk about it. Or you saw family members who had an absorbent amount of money be stingy with it. Or maybe you saw people give [00:11:00] too loosely with their money.

And we all form different feelings and habits around money based off of our upbringing. But one of the failures of society is truly teaching healthy money habits from a young age. I mean, our society set up this,

at least for my generation. I'm a millennial. I was born in the eighties. It set up this path of, you graduate high school, you go to college, and in order to go to college at the age of 18, you have no money, you have no job, but we want you to go, we want you to get further education, so here, take out these student loans.

Oh, your parents can't afford to pay for your tuition? That's okay, here's more student loans. And then you get saddled with debt that you're supposed to come out of school. [00:12:00] But for most of us, the recession hit and we weren't able to get jobs in our careers. You know, I got lucky. But it was around the time the recession hit halfway through my college career, and I saw what it did to my parents finances.

It impacted me, because up until that, my parents had told me that I didn't need to worry about paying for tuition, because they got it. But, when the recession hit, Finance, finances took a toll and they had to come to me and say, Hey, we need you to get a job. And I've been working since I was 13, but it was always said that during the school year.

I didn't need to work because my parents would cover all the costs so that I could focus on studying, but returning to campus in 2009 or fall of 2008, I had to [00:13:00] get a job on campus. And of course, that wasn't going to pay for my tuition. But seeing that. And knowing the path that I had wanted to go, which was to become a sex therapist, knowing that I'd have to go on to becoming a mast get my master's degree, and potentially my doctorate, I decided to switch paths.

And I told myself, I'm gonna go in the finance field because finance is an easy job, it pays well, I'll be able to pay off my student loans. And I was one of the lucky ones that was able to get a job in my field, but I didn't want to go into further debt. And so it changed the trajectory of my life. And that's okay.

I'm not mad about it. I love money. I mean, I'm sitting here as a sex and money coach for that reason. And everything always works out. But, not everybody was that lucky. And so we come out of this recession, we come out of college saddled with debt, [00:14:00] starting our lives, starting our adult lives off with an intermountable amount of debt, with jobs and careers that weren't paying enough to be able to pay those student loans off.

We weren't a hundred percent taught healthy money habits in school. We weren't taught how to balance bank accounts, understand fixed versus variable interest rates, understand mortgages or what it meant to put money into investment accounts, what retirement was. You know, we're living longer as a society and so we need more money for retirement if we want to be able to actually retire.

And there are these things that society doesn't talk about to prepare us for that. They just kind of, at 18, here you go, figure it out and don't make mistakes. But [00:15:00] how are we not supposed to make mistakes? Making mistakes, I think, is one of the most Important things in life because through that mistake, we get to learn

what it is that truly matters. We also get to learn where we stand on a certain situation. Oh, I didn't like that. I didn't like how I made my partner feel when I said that. I didn't like that. That was the job I chose because my boss ended up being toxic or. Oops, I invested in crypto and look where it is now, you know, mistakes happen.

It's a part of life. But the important part is we learn from those mistakes. So I don't want you when I talk about making mistakes to think that I'm telling you that you're wrong or that you're doing bad or that you're a failure because I'm not saying that at all. We [00:16:00] all make mistakes. It's a part of life.

And the beautiful thing about it is we get to grow from that mistake and we get to say, hey, I don't want that to happen again. So what can I do to ensure that it doesn't happen again?

Where are you? Right now in your financial story. Are you happy with where you're at? Are you Looking to make a change? Are you Trying to understand and educate yourself on different things? Maybe you have this big event coming up such as home buying Getting married having children

Are there parts of this big event coming up that you don't know enough about, or that you're scared of?

All feelings surrounding where you're at are valid. Whether you're happy, [00:17:00] sad, scared, unsure, nervous, elated. It's all valid. And it's all part of The day to day money process. I shared in the last episode that middle of March is the time that my company pays out bonuses and does the cost of living adjustments or promotions.

And so I was recently paid out my bonus and given my pay raise. And I'm in this moment of figuring out what to do. What to do with the money. I'm excited for the opportunities that are available, but also I'm sitting here saying I need to buy a house by the end of this year, this is going to help. And so what do I do to ensure that my pay increase [00:18:00] goes directly into my savings account and that I'm not shifting my financial expenditures to offset that additional pay increase.

It can be easy when we start to get extra income to be like, oh cool, now I can pay for this. It's also important to pause and ask yourself, where am I headed? Is it necessary for me to change my lifestyle right now? Or is it more important to put things aside and save money or put more into my retirement accounts?

I'm definitely one of those people who Gets excited because like right now I have, um, I'm going to the gym and this, um, this company is promoting something at my gym. It's a sauna company and they have a monthly membership. And so my brain was like, Oh, I've really wanted to get into [00:19:00] infrared sauna for my skin, for my health.

And my brain is like, I'm getting a pay raise. I could totally do a monthly membership because it'll cover, my pay raise will cover this monthly membership. And then I have to pause and I have to say, Jessica, you're trying to buy a house. Let's not do that.

So it's those things, um, we can be enticed buy so many different things in life and we can get excited and, and be like, I'm getting a pay raise. I can finally afford to do this. Or I can, you know, finally make my dreams come true or I can change my lifestyle a little bit. Um,

and it's, it's exciting to be able to play around with your money like that. Or maybe you finally are like, I'm going to put that extra money away to take that family vacation. We've been wanting to take forever. That's [00:20:00] amazing. Go ahead and do that. So getting this extra income, it's fun. I'm definitely trying to figure out

where. It's best used, and obviously, yeah, towards buying a house.

And that's ultimately probably what I'm going to end up doing. But we get to go through the different scenarios in our head, and we get to ask ourselves different questions. And maybe I'm not making sense right now. My brain's a little foggy because of the food poisoning, but what I'm trying to get at is Life is going to happen and we're going to continue moving forward.

And when we get the pay raises or when we get chunks of money coming through the door, it's so easy to get excited. And be like, Oh, I'm going to spend it on this, and I'm going to spend it on that.

But I want to ask you to pause before you spend the money. And I want to ask you to really think about what it is that you [00:21:00] want to do.

Sometimes when we get chunks of money or pay raises, we feel guilty and we feel shame. You know, for a while there, I felt shame

making the money that I make.

You know, sometimes I've learned over the, like, span of life is I can't share my financials with certain people because

they don't take it the right way. Um, or they don't, or they, they make fun of me or they mock me. And so I feel shame.

At the end of the day, I make what I make because I work hard and I'm not going to feel shame around it. But also I'm not going to feel shame around it because of what I do with my money. I do good things with my money and I put my money back out into the world and not just chasing after my goals.

So [00:22:00] these feelings that come up, these thought processes that come up when it comes to our personal finances are never going to go away.

We're going to continuously run into different feelings, different thoughts. Different plans,

and I want to know.

Have you thought about

the different scenarios of your financial future?

I asked you earlier, where are you right now in your financial journey, financial story?

The next thing I want to ask is, have you thought about the different scenarios of your future? What does your future look like making the amount of money that you want to make? What does your future look like if you stayed where you're at? What does your future look like if you paid off all your debts?

What does your future look like based on the different scenarios and outcomes that you have in your head?

Yes, you deserve to make more money. [00:23:00] Yes, quick fixes are easy, but Sitting down and going through the different scenarios not only gives you a visualization of where you may want to go because you can decide from the various scenarios what you want to do, it can also provide clarity.

I've got different scenarios in my head of where I want my life to head, but

it also

is forcing me to have conversations with people in my life about certain things. Because Scenario A looks like this to me, but I've got a boyfriend now who I'm planning a future with. So where does he fit into Scenario A? Where do I fit in in his scenarios? And how do we merge our lives together

to probably make a whole different scenario? Or, I've always been close to my [00:24:00] family and there's things that are happening in Scenario B. That might force us to be on opposite, opposite ends of the country in the foreseeable future. What does that look like for me? Does that mean that I need to build up enough savings so that I can take monthly trips out to see them?

My scenarios are changing based on life shifts happening around me and not just to me. So sitting down and mapping out these different scenarios, it doesn't mean that that's going to be the outcome. It doesn't mean that that, you know, you pick scenario B. It doesn't mean that something's not going to come along that's going to completely throw that one out.

And force a whole different scenario or isn't going to make scenario B happen faster or slower. Life is going to happen. And so we can take where we're [00:25:00] at and we can look to the future and we can say, this is what I want. And this is how I think I'm going to get there. But as I talked about earlier, when I was road tripping with my friends, it's also important to recognize that present moment is just that.

present moment. We can future think, we can forward plan, but along the way between now and then, it's important to live in the present and enjoy and see what happens there. Take that 360 turn

and learn from it and be in awe of it. And maybe you see something that sparks a new interest and you go, you know what? My future of scenario B isn't the future I want anymore.

So we're gonna change a little thing and we're gonna start branching off and maybe making our [00:26:00] way over to scenario F.

Once you know where you're at

and once you've started to kind of plan where you want to go, that's when you can start to take the steps to getting there.

And as I shared over the past few episodes, my process is becoming intimate with your finances.

In order to become intimate with your finances, you have to organize them. You have to know where you're at, and that comes from the organization and the familiarizing yourself with it. Because we can't make decisions without knowing our current situation.

If you're a good employee, a good boss, a good partner, good family member, you're not going to walk into the house and see a mess on the [00:27:00] floor or walk into the office and see a problem on the board and make a decision.

You're going to pause and you're going to try to understand where the problem arose from or you're going to try to understand why is there ice cream all over the kitchen floor

and then from there you're going to make a decision on how to move forward. Clean up the ice cream mess.

Discuss with your family how it got there and then figure out solutions to make sure it doesn't happen again or Call a board meeting and say we have this problem. Does anybody have ideas? You're going to collaborate, you're going to brainstorm, and then you're going to move forward, and that's exactly how we need to handle our finances.

We need to look at the situation, we need to organize, we need to brainstorm, we need to familiarize ourselves, and then we get to [00:28:00] say, okay, this is what I know. I am informed enough. I'm going to make a decision. I'm going to continue moving forward down this path with this information that I have. And then when new information enters my world, I'll make another decision from there and move forward.

And the most important part with all of that is not to assume

because we've made a decision, we have it all figured out.

Things happen and life happens and emotions happen. And.

As exciting as making a decision and moving forward is, we have to be prepared for the unexpected.

We can only do

what we can with the information we have. So when new information enters the picture, you have to adjust.

You know, this weekend I tried to keep my friends and I on schedule, but [00:29:00] then we saw something cool and we pulled over on the side of the road. Or they were having too much fun at one park and so we extended our time there

and that was okay. Did it mean that we had to cut our time short at another place? Yeah.

Or did it mean that we had to eat dinner later than expected? Absolutely. Did it mean that our sleep time got shortened? Yeah. But we, we worked with it. A lot of emotions came up. Trust me, we got in a fight. But

with the new information we were given, we made a decision and we moved forward. And we have to do the same with our finances. And I want to let you know that through all of this, you're not alone. Maybe you don't. Have family that you can talk to about money. Maybe you don't have friends that you can talk to, or maybe you do.

And if you do, that's great, but I want you to know that going [00:30:00] through personal finances, figuring out our future. Fixing the past. You're not the only one who's going through it.

I've made my fair share of mistakes. I continue to make my fair share of mistakes.

But every single time that I do, I learn from it. And I also continue to make great decisions.

You know, I talked about on the episode about getting promotions and getting pay raises and asking for it. I've been talking to my boss for the past year

And it didn't happen this month, and I'm a little bummed, but it doesn't mean that I just give up and walk away. There are other extenuating circumstances that are affecting the promotion, and majority of it is out of my control, but I know that my company is a great company to work for, and I know that my boss has taken care of me in the past, and I know that my [00:31:00] boss has every intention to take care of me.

So, although it sucks that I didn't get the promotion yet,

moving forward, I'm continuing with where I'm at. Emotions have come up. I've talked to friends and family about those emotions,

but I still believe in my potentiality and I still believe in what my boss and I have talked about happening. It will happen. Maybe not on the time that I expected it to happen, but it will. And when it happens, I'm going to be elated and happy and thankful. But I also know that there are things happening behind the scenes that are out of my control and I, I can't force it.

I can be upset, I can feel my feelings,

because feelings are valid, but I have to be okay with it right now.

I guarantee that every situation that you feel like you're going through [00:32:00] has been felt by somebody else, experienced by someone else. Maybe to a different extent, maybe in a different way, but you're not alone in it. If you have student loan debt, other people have student loan debt as well. And I'm not saying this to minimize what you're going through, but I'm saying this to let you know

that others have walked this story before and have made it out, have made it towards their dreams. Because anything is possible regardless of where you're currently at. It doesn't diminish your feelings. It doesn't diminish your situation.

But if you do need somebody to talk to about it, know that you're not alone. Know that other people have more than likely experienced this same exact situation.

I am here

because I've experienced many different iterations of my personal [00:33:00] finances. And I want to let you know that it is possible to change. It is possible to make different decisions and to build the future that you want. I am nowhere near the future that I expect, but I'm going to make it happen. And what I expect my future to be today might look different a year from now.

And I will shift and I will continue down that path.

So if you're feeling something, or if you know that you're ready for a change, Let's have a conversation because I want you to know that you don't have to do this journey alone. You don't have to make these decisions alone. It's your life. It's your personal story. It's your personal financial endeavor, but it's okay to have a sounding board.

It's okay to talk through things with people that you trust. It's okay to sit down and map [00:34:00] out all the different potentials that you have before making that decision. And you don't have to make the decision today. You can see what comes in the next couple of months.

That's what I'm here for. I'm here to be that sounding board to let you share your feelings around everything finance related

and then I'm here to hold you accountable to making it happen.

I am very good at doing check ins. I am very good at recognizing when you need a little space but also recognizing when you need somebody to keep you on on task. That was my job this weekend with my friends. Okay, you want 10 more minutes to go explore tide pools? All right, I'll give you 10 more minutes.

And then I give a five minute warning. Hey guys, we have to leave in five minutes. And then when it was time to go, okay, let's go. Corral them back in.

You [00:35:00] want to cut back your spending so that you can save or something? All right, let's do it. I will hold you accountable.

And when you want to make a decision between spending your money on something or saving it for your future, I'll have those conversations with you. I've been having these conversations with myself and with people I trust for decades. I'm not that old, but you know, I've been dealing with finances and money since I was a teenager cause I loved it.

So if this is something that you are serious about focusing on at this point in your life, reach out to me, let's get on a call. Let's start breaking things down.

And no, you don't have to show up perfectly. I'm not going to show up perfectly. I don't show up perfectly,

but trust me when I say that it's better to make a decision to focus on your finances now. [00:36:00] than in six months from now. Because 

the more time that you had to take to get ready means taking away from the time that you had to prepare for your future. What would you rather focus on? Would you rather focus on being afraid? And holding yourself back. Or would you rather focus on being afraid, but moving yourself forward. Because the fear is going to be there anyways.

Trust me, I'm scared shitless trying to buy a house in the next 10 months.

But I'm doing it. I'm focusing on that. I get scared. I get angry. The unknowns with the market. Everybody's saying, Buy your house now. Nothing's gonna change. It's just gonna continue to get worse. All the noise in my head stresses me out. But I am still choosing to show up every day. working towards that future instead of hesitating [00:37:00] about whether or not I'm ready.

So if you're ready,

call me, message me, shoot me an email,

and let's start talking because your financial future can be freaking amazing regardless of whether or not you're fixing something or making something better. It's your journey and you need to focus on it. If there's one thing that I can say to you that you take away from this entire episode,

You need to focus on your finances. It is the most important thing because money isn't going anywhere. You don't have to make it your entire life story and it doesn't have to eat up all of your time, but finances are a part of your life, whether you like it or not. So stop ignoring them.

Make them your friend. Don't make them your enemy.

I love talking about money, and I can do it day in and day out. And I'm not [00:38:00] expecting to get you to love talking about money too. But I am here to help make it a different story in your head. I want that for you. I want your money story to be one that you are content with. One that you are happy with. One that is thriving in the way that works for you.

So, if you have any questions, if you have any ideas that you want to talk through, let's chat. My door is open,

and if you don't reach out to me, I at least ask. Then you sit down and look at your finances.

It really, truly is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. even though it's scary. I can't push you to do it. I can't beg you to do it,

but I can encourage you to do it. So, I am going to put this microphone away because I really need to go [00:39:00] sleep off this food poisoning. But I hope you know

that you are capable of changing your future. You are capable of making your financial outlook on life possible. You can do it. I believe in you. And if nobody else tells you that today, I will. I believe in you. So get out there, reach out to me, call me,

but get out there and make your future a reality. I love you. Thank you for being here for the past 12 episodes. This has been a fun journey for me. I look forward to coming back in the future with more money conversations, more tips and tricks, and I really look forward to next week's episode and talking, starting our conversation, talking about sex.

Have a great rest of your day, great rest of your week. I love you all. Bye. [00:40:00]