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THE LOWDOWN

In today's episode of Sex and Money with Jess, we explored the delicate balance between enjoying life's pleasures and being financially responsible. I shared insights on how to deepen your relationship with yourself and others when it comes to sex and money, and how to step into your empowered self without shame or societal pressures.

We kicked off the discussion with my personal experience in a book club, where we're currently reading "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. This led to a reflection on the courage it takes to pursue podcasting and personal growth.

I am debunking the myth that small indulgences like avocado toast or Starbucks coffee are the reasons behind not achieving financial milestones like buying a house. Instead, I emphasized the importance of enjoying your money without excessive restriction.

I shared a creative approach to saving for big purchases, like setting a task and assigning a dollar value to it, which adds an element of fun and satisfaction to the process. Additionally, I discussed the importance of cutting back on non-essential expenses, like multiple streaming services, to free up funds for more meaningful experiences.

The key takeaway is to identify what truly brings you joy and to make conscious choices about where to cut back. It's about setting clear financial goals, understanding the sacrifices needed to reach them, and still allowing yourself the pleasures that make life worth living.

Life is meant to be enjoyed and that we should dare greatly to reach our goals without sacrificing joy. I invited listeners to reflect on their own financial and personal joy, and to join me again next week for more empowering discussions.

MENTIONED IN SHOW:

Website: www.lovealwaysjess.com/getstarted

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love.always.jess

SHOW NOTES:

Episode begins at [00:00:54]

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Welcome to another fabulous day. I hope that [00:01:00] wherever you are in this week, that you are finding some moments of joy and some moments of self-reflection. Today I spent some time on a book club call with some friends and. It's so refreshing having a group of people to talk personal development and financial goals with.

We started this book club about a year ago, and we originally started with the book Rich Dad, poor Dad. I'm sure. Many of you have heard of it. I was hesitant to read the book, but my friend invited me to join this book club. I said, sure. And surprisingly I liked the book. And then we continued on with a few other books.

And the start of this year, we are starting with Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and [00:02:00] today was our first call to discuss. At the beginning of that book, and one of my takeaways was

how I'm daring greatly by showing up here in this realm of podcasting.

I always knew this was something that I wanted to do, or at least for the past couple of years I've known that. Um, and I finally took the leap of faith, you know, bottled up the courage and stepped into this world. Um, and it just got me thinking about how. I'm proud of each and every one of you who are here listening to this.

Because you yourself are daring greatly. You are choosing to show up and think about the changes that you want to make in both your personal finance life and in your sex life. Obviously we'll get to [00:03:00] sex later down the road, but it's exciting to have that desire and be brave enough to say, Hey, I want things to be different.

Oftentimes when we sit down and we say, Hey. I want things to be different, especially when it comes to our finances. We might think about going to an extreme of cutting back on everything, and usually you hear about it in society as well. I've stated in a previous podcast about how. One of the most common things you hear is the Dave Ramsey method.

I personally don't know a lot about the Dave Ramsey method. I've never read his books, listened to its podcasts. I've just heard people talk about it and personally I find it problematic, but that's not where I'm going today. One of the [00:04:00] things I hear people share about his method is that he often says, if you wanna buy a house or if you wanna pay off credit card debt, then you need to stop eating avocado toast or going to Starbucks.

And while it is.

Important not to do those things in excess. One of the values that I live by is that everybody should be able to enjoy their money. I don't believe in restricting ourselves. I don't believe in insane the reason I don't have a house yet, or the reason I don't have X amount of money in my banking account.

Is because I go to Starbucks. I think that's a false comparison, and

I think there's always ways to figure out how to enjoy your money, but also chase after your goals. Chase after your [00:05:00] Dreams.

Dreams. One of the things that comes to mind is I have a friend who, whenever they want to purchase something big or do something fun with their money, they create a spreadsheet or a. Task list, essentially. And if they complete the task 30 times, each time they do it, they put a dollar value to it. So for instance, if they wanna buy a brand new bike, then they'll say, okay, every time I wash my dishes, I'll get $5 towards my bike.

And so. A $1,500 bike, it'll take them 300 times of washing their dishes. I think I did that math right. It's late at night when I'm recording this. Um, but after they wash their dishes 300 times, they earned their bike. And so it's [00:06:00] a fun way for them to not just immediately buy or immediately. Satisfy their want, but they still get to spend their money on something that brings them joy.

So if you're looking to buy something or go on a vacation, and that's a method of rewarding yourself, that sounds good to you, then go ahead and do it. It's not about

when I receive X amount of dollars, I'm going to be able to do this because at the end of the day,

money is coming and going and we're going to spend it.

On the things that are in front of our face, but if we can sit, he like and pause and say, I'm not going to buy the bike right away. I'm going to spend time earning the bike. It'll feel more satisfying and [00:07:00] also you put in work to get it.

You did some good chores around the house

and you found a way to save your money

for an end goal in the future.

So that's one example. Another area that I believe people can enjoy their money is in buying Starbucks. If that's what you love to do, if a morning drive-thru at your favorite coffee shop brings you joy, then why are you letting people stop you from doing that? Sure. Maybe every single day is a bit much.

So maybe you decide to cut it back to two or three times a week, but if going on your way to work five days a week makes you happy, then find other areas in your life where you can cut back on money so that you can achieve your goals. You know, maybe your coworkers go out to lunch every single day and you enjoy going out with them and you enjoy their company.[00:08:00] 

But you prefer that morning cup of coffee over lunch with your coworkers every day. So you tell your coworkers, Hey, I'm gonna start bringing my lunch to work. Maybe you guys could go out and get your food and bring it back and we can sit in the cafeteria together. Or maybe you decide you'll go to lunch with them once a week or once every other week to save money.

In a different area so that you can personally enjoy your cup of coffee in the morning.

And something I wanna say around that is we tend to, when we don't agree with the decisions people make for how they spend their money, we tend to judge them. And I know I'm guilty of this. Um, it's not right. Like for instance, the Starbucks example, I don't drink coffee. I didn't grow up with it in the house.

Never really enjoyed the taste.[00:09:00] And so the idea of spending. Five, 10, $15 a day on coffee in the drive-thru doesn't make sense to me, but it's not my place to sell to tell somebody how they need to spend their money. What I will tell somebody if they ask for my opinion is if you enjoy coffee.

That's great. Get your coffee, make yourself happy. Wake yourself up in the morning. Do what you need to do to bring joy to your life. But that means you need to find a way to cut back in other areas of your life.

So these.

False suggestions being given by millionaires, billionaires about you don't own a house because you eat avocado toast every day. It's freaking insane. Like they can just go shut up. Honestly, if you [00:10:00] ask my opinion.

Because eating avocado toast, drinking Starbucks, going out to lunch with your friends, it's not

really going to make a difference. Sure, cut back, save a few hundred dollars over time. That does make a difference.

At what point does sacrificing joy take away from really living life? I am all about being smart with your money, making the right decisions for your outcome that you would desire, but also. Thriving and having fun and laughing and being joyful and enjoying a nice vacation, if that's what you wanna do.

The focus shouldn't be completely restricting yourself. The focus should be what is the outcome I desire?

What type of sacrifices[00:11:00] from a financial perspective am I going to need to make? Maybe you need to pay off a credit card, and that looks like paying two, $300 more a month towards the minimum. Okay, so you need to cut back on your other expenses two or $300 a month. So where are you spending your money?

Are you eating out? Are you buying Starbucks?

Are you streaming services, costing a lot of money? How many streaming services do you have? Figuring out the areas that are not necessity, and then from there, deciding what you're willing to let go of

and what you don't want to let go of.

I mentioned streaming services.

There was a time there where I had Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, HBO Max Peacock, Amazon Prime. I had it all, and then I was like, why [00:12:00] am I spending this money?

Typically, I choose one show to watch. And I'm not the type of person who watches a show when it's popular. I'm usually the type of person who watches a show after all the seasons are done. So I'm spending months sometimes watching the show. So I'm only on one streaming platform for that time. So why am I spending money on all of these other platforms that are just adding a billing to my credit card and also costing me money that I'm not even using?

I'm not utilizing the service. So why am I wasting my money? So what I've done is I pay for one subscription. When I finish that show, I go through my list of shows and I go, what do I wanna watch next? And then I find the platform it's on [00:13:00] and sign up or open my account, pack up and cancel the other platform.

That way I'm only paying for one streaming service a month.

Watching TV shows I could probably do without, but

I work all day from home. I don't have the human interactions happening around me all day long like I used to when I was in the office. So it gets quiet. I miss the noise, the background noise, so having the TV on allows that background noise, so I'm choosing to pay for one platform.

It makes me happy. I'm not spending an absorbent amount of money. I'm utilizing the service it's worth. To me

and the sacrifice that I made was not having a shit ton of subscriptions, which might not [00:14:00] sound like a sacrifice, but to some people it is that ease of just being able to hop into another streaming service to find another show. Or find a movie to watch. Not having that flexibility can be a sacrifice, but that's where I'm saving my money and that's how I'm able to watch my expenses.

So if you're in a similar boat where. You're trying to cut back on the expenses that hit your credit card every month, or leave your bank every single month. Look in those areas. Look at your streaming services and not just your streaming services, your other subscriptions. Maybe you pay for both Apple Music and Spotify.

Decide which one you like better and cancel the other one.

Maybe there are those monthly box subscriptions that come to your [00:15:00] house. Sure, it makes you happy, but is it something that truly brings you joy or is it something you could do without for a few months until you accomplish your goal? And if it's something that you sit down and you go, yeah, I could do without that for a little bit.

Then cancel it.

I'm all about enjoying your money, but being smart about it. We never wanna get to the point where we're not enjoying life. So

have a reward system built in place. Or pick and choose. I want my coffee every morning, but I will go out to lunch with my friends once a week, once a month. Talk to the people in, in your life, in your circle and say, Hey, I know we do X, Y, and Z together, but I'm really trying to work on. This financial goal.

In order to do that, that means I have to cut back here. I would love to continue to do this with [00:16:00] you guys, but I'm not going to be able to do this. Or maybe we can come up with another alternative.

Hopefully they will be accommodating. And if not, then that's a whole different story that we're not gonna get into. But you deserve friends and family who are accommodating.

We don't get to dictate for other people what brings them joy. So we don't get to judge them

for how they spend their money, just like they don't get to judge you for what you decide to spend your money on.

Judgment out the door. Joy back in

the world is meant to be enjoyed.

We're allowed to have fun.

We're

to bask in the pleasures of life. The world is meant to be seen,

and there's no way to do that. Without some sort of money, [00:17:00] whether or not it's money towards gas to get to a hiking trail or money spent on coffee in the morning before work or a pick-me-up picnic with your children on a Friday afternoon when they get off school early. There's these things that we're allowed to indulge in,

and I don't believe the sayings of you don't have a house because you are in debt, because it's a lot. There's a lot more that goes into those statements. A Starbucks coffee run or an avocado toast. So find out what your goal is,

figure out what sacrifices you need to make to reach that goal,

and then decide.

What brings you joy and what things you're willing to do without.

Once you figured that out, continue to repeat that Until you've reached your goal or when a new goal comes up, ask [00:18:00] yourself, okay, here's something new. What am I willing to get rid of? What am I willing to stop doing?

My goal for 2024 is to save up enough money for a down payment on a house because my lease is up January of 2025 and I'm not wanting to renew, so I'm spending time.

Going through the same process, what makes me happy? I like going to my favorite taco truck.

Sometimes I can go three, four times a week. I love it that much, but

maybe I need to cut down to once a week.

And I can start cooking at home again because cooking does bring me joy. I just kind of get busy sometimes and go, oh, I'll just run through the drive-through, or I'll go sit at this restaurant. But cost of food has increased. So if I wanna spend less money, that's an area that I can make a sacrifice in.

So I'm willing to [00:19:00] sacrifice going out to eat except for once a week with friends and once a week to the taco truck. ' those two will bring me more joy than going out to eat. Multiple times a day, multiple days a week.

So find what brings you joy, and then find the other spots that you can sacrifice and then start working towards your goal. And I believe you, I believe in you. I mentioned at the beginning of this podcast about the book Daring Greatly. Dare greatly today to reach your goal. You can do it. Have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your week and I look forward to talking to you next week.

Love you all. Bye. [00:20:00]