Boundaries

Boundaries.

The most dreaded, overused, hyped up word these days it feels like.

Yet it is something that is essential to our personhood and important for us to learn how to uphold in our daily lives.

As a people pleaser who is working on letting that part of my image go, I can confidently say that holding, having, and creating boundaries has been one of the hardest growing pains I have had to endure. Nothing compares to the feeling of showing up unapologetically in your boundary setting while simultaneously crying inside (sometimes outside for me) because you are “hurting” the other person.

I’m sure at this point we all know that a boundary is a line you draw with another person while letting them know what you will do if they cross it. It’s easy to tell someone what your boundary is, but what isn’t easy is holding yourself accountable for the action you will do if they cross it. I’ll add to that, it isn’t always easy being asked why you are setting the boundary, or having to explain why all of a sudden you are setting boundaries.

Over the past year I’ve been gradually learning to set boundaries. I started out small in spaces that I felt safe, with people who I knew would respect my ask.

However, this past month has really tested me.

You know the old adage, “all things come in threes.”

Well that has been my month.

Early on in May I had an interaction with a coworker that forced me to take a step back and create an environment at work that would mitigate the same thing from happening again.

I spent a day working through some shifts in a relationship of mine that would allow us to step forward into a new found friendship as we found our way back to each other.

And here I was thinking that was enough boundary setting for the time being…

Nope!

I logged into work the other day and a message from an old coworker popped up and immediately my body tensed. This person had left me feeling uncomfortable in the past, but had left the company six years ago, so I thought they were out of my life for good. Now I’m figuring out my boundaries around this situation.

God sure is testing me to see if I am ready to step into this new role in life.

Am I ready? Not quite as I still 😩😩😩 every time I have to hold my boundaries. My inner child screams, “I don’t wanna!!”

But I am getting there. Each day does get easier. Each moment I hold that boundary feels soft and gentle afterwards. That, to me, is the sign that I am doing what’s right for my soul.

If you are in the midst of learning to hold boundaries, I send you all my love. I know first hand that it isn’t easy and that each test feels unbearable. However, I know that each of us can do this, so keep pushing through!

Love always,

Jess