EPISODE 23: Questions to Deepen Your Sexual Connection

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THE LOWDOWN

In this episode, I encourage you to take a reflective approach to your sex life by answering a series of thought-provoking questions.

Communication and self-awareness are so key to having a great sex life in this episode I provide a list of questions for you to reflect on with yourself or with your partner. These questions are designed to help you explore and open yourself up around your sexuality.

Topics include understanding personal sexual preferences, resolving past sexual experiences, and improving overall sexual well-being. I advise taking your time with the questions, returning to them periodically, and seeking help if you need to go deeper.

MENTIONED IN SHOW:

Website: www.lovealwaysjess.com/getstarted

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love.always.jess

SHOW NOTES:

Episode begins at [00:00:54]

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Hello! I hope you are doing well. I am enjoying a nice, relaxing day off of work, and today is actually pretty nice weather, so I'm looking forward to getting outside, spending some time with a friend before I go to the gym tonight. So yeah, it's gonna be, it's gonna be a fun day. Today we are going to do things a little bit differently.

I am going to ask a few questions and I want you to either pause after every single question and think about it. If you're driving, Obviously, that's all you can do. But I highly recommend maybe taking out a sheet of paper or sitting down with your partner directly, if you have a partner, and this is an exercise you want to do with your partner.[00:01:00]

Or Even taking some time to yourself and thinking through these questions, asking your partner to take time for themselves, thinking through these questions, and then coming together to discuss if you feel comfortable to do so. also, I'm not sure if you guys are aware, but every single episode of this podcast has a transcript on my website which is love always just.

And obviously the transcript of this episode will include these questions. So if it's easier for you to refer back to a typed out question list and then think through your answers, please feel free to go ahead and do that. These are questions to ask yourself, questions to think about, and if you do feel comfortable discussing these with your partner, they're great questions just to share with each other and get to know each other on a different level.

I think it's [00:02:00] important that we think through different questions. Ideas and concepts and feelings when it comes to sex, because all of us are different humans. We all have different upbringings and our bodies. And dislike different things. We've had different experiences. We've been taught different things.

And sometimes we might be feeling disconnected from our bodies, disconnected from our self emotionally, and just disconnected from our partners. We may not understand why, and it can create a discomfort when it comes to our own sexuality. We start to feel like there's something wrong with us. We start to feel as if our partners don't love us anymore, or that, There's no way to get past this hump, [00:03:00] this era, this timing that we're in if we're feeling disconnected.

And so it's important to actually process and navigate what we are feeling, what is coming up for us around sex. And so I'm going to ask some questions, I'm going to pause for like five seconds after Please feel free to pause the podcast, write down your answer, think through your answer, return to this episode time and time again, because as life continues on, we change as humans.

We are not meant to have the same thoughts. We are not meant to have the same feelings. We are not meant to be in the same physical body every single year. Every single day, we age, experiences happen, get new jobs, lose jobs, we have children, we have [00:04:00] family members pass away, we lose friends, we gain friends, we start traveling more, you name it, life happens, and we are not going to be the same person today as we were yesterday.

We are not going to be the 20 year olds who got married right out of college, and life was everything in front of us and you might now be in your 60s and maybe you've been divorced and are exploring a new relationship or you've gone through menopause or your partner has passed away and you're trying to figure out life, what it looks like in the future.

So there's a lot. that happens within life. And so what you answer on these questions today might be different in 5, 10, 15 years time. So [00:05:00] I always emphasize returning to your body and asking your body what it wants, what it needs, what it's currently feeling because it's always going to be different.

So question number one is what things have you been taught about sex?

Of those things, which things resonate with you? Which things do you want to release?

How would you change the narrative around sex for yourself?

How do you want your body to feel during sex?

How do you want to feel emotionally during sex?

What would you like to share with your partner about sex? Do you have fears, dislikes, turn ons, fantasies, areas that you'd like to explore?

How often do you like having sex?

What type of touch do you like [00:06:00] during sex?

Do toys interest you?

What could your partner do to initiate sex or help get you in the mood?

How do you enjoy initiating sex? What does that initiation look like for you?

What areas of your body do you like being touched? Areas on your body that you don't like being touched.

Is there a certain setting you like for sex? Candles. Lighting. Smells. Sounds. Location.

What does your body want?

What does your body need?

What is one thing you can tell your body today that it needs to hear from you?

What is one thing your partner can tell you today that you need to hear?

What are things you could start doing to improve your sex life? Some examples might be hitting the gym, [00:07:00] drinking more water, flirting, self exploration,

Do you have any regret when it comes to your sexual history? If so, how do those impact your sex life now? And how can you forgive yourself or forgive those who harmed you in order to achieve the sex life that you desire? Side note on this one, these can bring up heavy, deep feelings, so if you need to reach out to a therapist to work through.

Any of those dark seated feelings, historical events that happened, please do so. I want you to feel safe when you're going through these questions. So if this one in particular is too deep to go to on your own please find a therapist that you trust and work with them to go through this question and process it.

What is [00:08:00] one or two sexual memories that you can remember that make you happy, and what was it about those moments that made you happy, that made you go, oh, this is what sex is meant to be.

And from there, is that something that you can recreate for yourself or with a partner to bring those same feelings into your current sex life?

What is holding you back from having the sex life that you desire?

Is there anything that you could work on today

to make sure That you can take a step forward into the sex life that you desire.

If you and your partner could have an all expenses paid vacation to wherever in the world that you most fantasize about having sex in, where would it be?

Is that [00:09:00] location on a list that you and your partner are working towards? To make reality.

What outside assistance could you bring in to help you or help you and your partner have the sex life that you desire? Do you need to initiate date night and bring in a babysitter? Are you a single parent who wants to begin dating again? Do you need to find a nanny or a babysitter to come in once a week so you can begin dating?

Do you need to talk to a couples counsellor? Do you need to bring in a sex coach like me?

The final question is what do you love most about your sex?

That could be anything.

Maybe you love the way your brain shuts off and everything goes into your body. Maybe you love the sounds you make. [00:10:00] Maybe you love the connection between you and your partner.

Maybe you love the feeling of orgasm. What is it that you love about sex?

I hope that these questions give you food for thought. Obviously, there's so much more that you could explore, so many more questions that you could dive into and think about, but I wanted to give you a little bit of a frame of reference, things to focus on to begin thinking more intricately about your sex life.

Because so many things affect our sex lives. And it's okay, it's part of being human. We can't expect to just wake up every single day and just bone it out with our partner. Because that's not how life works. It works that way if you're ignoring the rest of life but I hope you are not that person who does that.

Because life is [00:11:00] beautiful, and even in the storms, we find beauty. And it's through that. Those experiences that we become who we are. So I hope these questions give you some great things to think about, some great conversation to have with your partner. If you are in a partnership and if you feel safe and comfortable to do , just.

These are things that I like to talk about with my partners, things that I like to ask myself, quite often things I'd like to ask my friends, family, because it's important. It's important to think about what it is that we desire, what it is that we want, and what it is that we're feeling, because we are humans made up of those feelings and

Whether we like it or not, they do affect our life. So I hope that you do find some time this week or within this month to think through these questions. Yeah, and I hope that the [00:12:00] rest of your week goes well, you find some moments of joy, some moments of peace, some moments of love, and know that I am here behind the scenes cheering you on whatever you are doing.

I love you, thank you for listening, and I will see you next week. [00:13:00]