EPISODE 35: Embracing Body Positivity and Transformation
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THE LOWDOWN
In this episode, I share my experiences and thoughts on body positivity and self-love. From attending a thrilling pole dancing show to discussing societal pressures on body image, I emphasize the importance of loving our bodies while recognizing the desire for change.
I offer practical tips for fostering self-acceptance, such as standing naked in front of a mirror and focusing on positive traits. I encourage you to appreciate and celebrate your unique beauty, and to pursue changes that make you happy while maintaining self-love. Remember, it's okay to love yourself and want to change simultaneously.
MENTIONED IN SHOW:
Website: www.lovealwaysjess.com/getstarted
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love.always.jess
SHOW NOTES:
Episode begins at [00:00:54]
TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] Good morning. I hope that today is going well for you. I [00:01:00] woke up just a little bit ago around 11 20 a. m my time and the only reason I woke up so late is because I pulled basically an all nighter last night. I went to a friend's pole dancing show which was so much fun. If you've never been to a pole dancing show, go.
It's just the energy and the women and men who do pole dancing are super talented and strong and the tricks that they can do and just the way that they're able to move their bodies is absolutely amazing. Fun fact if you didn't know this, I used to pole dance and I miss it, I miss being up on stage, I miss dancing in front of people, um, And it was just such a different vibe.
And I took a friend with me last night who had never been to a pole dancing show. And she was just in [00:02:00] awe at the amazing, amazing things that these people could do. Um, and it's, it really is a different vibe because it kind of, dance shows are fun. Dancing in general, going and being around that atmosphere.
Um, It makes you want to move your body, and it makes you want to have a lot of fun with yourself and with your body, and it brings out this confidence. But going to a pole dancing show, in my opinion, takes that to Whole different level because not only are these people climbing poles and doing tricks and Being creative with what their bodies can do But they are doing it in lingerie and basically half naked Which that requires a lot of body confidence.
That requires a lot of knowing your body and feeling good [00:03:00] despite what others might think. And that's kind of what I want, what I want to talk about today is body and your feelings towards your body. But before we get there, the reason I pulled an all nighter is because a friend who I took with me, she recently started a new job.
And, It was on the way back. And I was like, Hey, why don't I swing by and check out your new job? Expecting to only be there maybe one to two hours. She does online sales shows. , I forget what the app is called. What not, or something like that. Anyways, so she does those and I was like, okay, I'll swing by, grab us dinner since it's late, and then I'll just hang out for a little bit.
I ended up being. there until 5 50 a. m. That was crazy. I just, my night went by so fast and I left there as the sun was coming up. And normally I'm at the gym at 5 50 a. m. [00:04:00] And so I was like, this is weird. I'm headed home. , didn't sleep. So I. Literally climbed into bed when I got home and slept for a few hours Because I don't want to oversleep since I have to go to the gym in the morning But yeah, i'm a little tired this morning, but i'm excited Because we're talking about our bodies.
We're talking about our feelings surrounding our bodies
Mentioned pole dancing and watching pole dancers can bring out a different energy and feeling about you because pole dancers are half naked when they're dancing and the reason there's a reason for it a lot of people think it's because they're trying to be sexy and they're trying to show off their bodies and well there might be some truth to that the biggest reason is because when you're pole dancing You have to stick to the pole, and the best way to stick to the pole is through skin to pole contact.
When you have clothing in the [00:05:00] way, you're going to slip, you're going to slide, unless it's clothing that is actually meant to stick. So, when you're doing all these tricks on the pole, you want to have as little clothing on as possible so that you can grip the pole. And that means your everything is hanging out.
Your, if you have fat rolls, body rolls, whatever you want to call them, it's hanging out, it's sticking, it's sliding, it's creeping, it's gonna move in an awkward position. But you know, the cool thing about all of it is that It's beautiful, and that's why I always suggest somebody go and watch a pole dancing show, because it's a whole different world.
You get to see the body in a whole different light. But with that being said, I understand that not everybody feels comfortable being in that level of clothing, and there are different dynamics to everybody's body image.
Society has taught us as [00:06:00] women to Dislike our bodies. And I don't know if that started from advertising, marketing, or what. But we as women, for generations, this isn't just a new social media trend, for generations, have always been taught that our bodies aren't good enough. And that could be growing up watching our mom speak to herself, that could be seeing what is in magazines, or seeing what men find as the most ideal pretty woman, or a whole different slew of things.
And when it comes to our own image, we might, and most often do, compare ourselves. We might see somebody who is on a billboard, And they've got bigger boobs or a bigger butt. You know, we see, [00:07:00] especially today in like social media trends, we see everybody trying to emulate the Kardashians. And it's really difficult because A, the Kardashians have a lot of surgery, but B, you are not meant to look like somebody else.
You just aren't. At the end of the day, your genes were created from two different unique people and they combined and created you. They didn't combine and create Susie Q down the road. They didn't combine and create Margaret. I know I'm using old like 70s names. I don't know why those popped into my head, but they created you.
You are supposed to look the way that you look, but there's a caveat to that in that
we can alter that image through diet and exercise.
And that is. a natural way to alter the image. But then we have people who are doing Botox and surgeries and that's [00:08:00] becoming this huge common trend. Apparently, I don't know too much. I haven't done a lot of research on it, but I've been hearing that a lot of 20 year olds are getting Botox or they're going to plastic surgeons and asking these surgeons to make them look like Filters on Instagram or on TikTok, because we have been of this social media age where we have these images of what we're supposed to look like based on those filters.
So when we constantly open our phone apps and we're taking photos of ourselves or videos of ourselves, we're putting these filters over it. And then when we look at ourselves in the mirror, or when other people take photos of us, we don't recognize ourselves because we are constantly changing. Fixated on this image of us of how we look based on that filter because we're automatically applying it.
So then you have 20 year olds who are going to the doctors [00:09:00] and asking these surgeons to make them look like these filters. And they're getting Botox. And it's not just 20 year olds. It's 30s and 40s and older. But we definitely do see the surgeons of let's change our body image
via. medical practices or medication. I think Botox is a medication. I don't know 100 percent about Botox, so I apologize if I'm incorrect on that. Labeling that.
And when we're constantly seeing these filters or these media ads that are photoshopped or people who are rich and famous who have had surgery to make themselves look a certain way, we constantly are being bombarded with the words, we're not enough. And . It affects our mental well being.
It affects how we view [00:10:00] ourselves.
And maybe the way that you view yourself isn't 100 percent affected by external factors and that's great. You know, one of the things that I'm thankful of is that I grew up with a mom who loved herself and didn't talk negatively about herself. And
so I grew up with an example of body positivity and loving yourself and speaking kindly to yourself.
One of the biggest things that a lot of friends always said about me was I exuded confidence
and I, sorry, I didn't realize I was gonna cry. Oh
talking about my mom really like
It made me miss her. She was a remarkable woman.
Um, so yeah, like, I grew up seeing what a confident woman was. Who didn't care what anybody thought. I mean, maybe she [00:11:00] did, but I definitely didn't notice it. , and so that was something that was instilled in me. Was, wear what you want. I mean, I remember growing up and, I was wearing crop tops before crop tops became a thing.
You know, I'd walk around with one of my favorite outfits to wear as a little kid. And when I say a little kid, I mean like 10, 11, 12 was, um, a crop top vest type of thing that was like lacy, almost crocheted, almost, and I wore a bra underneath it and it was see through. And I just loved wearing it. And, you know, I'd go to thrift stores and buy crop tops and tank tops that had cutouts and, , you know, like your belly was showing and like, I just, I loved it.
And did I have a skinny body? No, I've always been a little bit, you know, on the rounder side But like my parents taught me to not care and my parents taught me [00:12:00] to love my body for what it was. You know my mom gave us autonomy and sent my sister and I to Kohl's every single year before school started and we'd shop and we'd pick out our outfits and then she'd come and we'd model them for her and she'd say yes or no and then we'd go home and we'd model them for our dad.
And our dad would tell us how great we looked, you know, and it was like these things in this cycle of just like instilling, like, you picked out your own clothes, you feel good in them, you look good in them, and, you know, telling us all the time that we look good, not telling us you should change, not telling us you look bad, or whatever.
You know, like they'd be honest and be like, that doesn't flatter you. I'm not paying for that because I don't think that that flatters you. I don't think that's the right color on you. They'd be honest about that, but it was never like from a shameful way. And I think that really helped instill body positivity [00:13:00] and body confidence in myself.
But With that being said, that doesn't mean that I don't feel like I'm lacking in some, you know, some ways. You know, the past couple of years I've gained a lot of weight and it's been, it's been difficult on my psyche. you know, sometimes like I don't feel good enough, I don't feel pretty enough and you know, I don't feel comfortable in my clothes.
And I'm trying to buy clothes that actually fit me and look good on me, and I'm having fun doing that. But, it doesn't mean that it doesn't get to my head, the sizes that I'm wearing. Or, that like, I don't look as good in the outfit as somebody who would be a size 2 or a size 4. Or that I can't necessarily wear certain dresses, or certain crop tops.
And, [00:14:00] All that kind of stuff, because I am on the heavier side right now. And it's hard,
but there are a few things that I do that help change my mindset and put it in a more
healthy and direct and positive perspective so that I can walk through the world feeling better about my body, feeling better about how I look and the image that I'm giving off. One of the first things that I do is I actually stand in front of the mirror naked a lot. And I look at myself, and I tell myself that she's beautiful.
And that might be very hard for you to do. If you've never looked at yourself naked, or you've never actively stood in front of a mirror for minutes on end,
It can be uncomfortable because your brain is going to tell you [00:15:00] this isn't pretty. This isn't, no, like that's what's wrong with you. That's what's wrong with you. And it's going to constantly go to the negatives because you're not used to it. So one of the best things I can tell you is start off slowly.
Walk around your house naked, but you don't have to look in a mirror. Just walk around naked. And then if you walk by a mirror and you catch a glimpse of yourself, whatever idea pops into your head first, if it's a negative one, pause. Stop yourself and say, thank you for trying to protect me body, but what is actually beautiful about me?
Is it the way my smile is? Is it the color of my eyes? Is it the way my hair looks today? Is it that I painted my nails and they're very vibrant? It can be anything on your body. And ask yourself one thing that you find beautiful. And you don't have to stand in front of the mirror while you're doing that.
You can continue walking around the house. But ask [00:16:00] yourself and then as you get more comfortable saying these positive things to yourself The negative things are gonna go further and further to the back of your mind. They might not be your first initial reaction You know last night while I was hanging out at the warehouse with my friend every time I went to the bathroom To wash my hands.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was like, wow, I'm Really beautiful and you know last night. I just put on a little bit of mascara and some eyebrow tinting and And My eyes were popping. I was wearing a hot pink dress. And my eyes just looked super, super beautiful. Yeah. I had acne on my skin and yeah, some of the mascara was smudged and, you know, I could have focused on all of that, but I was like, wow, I really do look beautiful.
My eyes are just, they're vibrant. And that was what I kept focusing on. So every single time I went to the bathroom and every single time I saw myself in the mirror, I was like, wow, my eyes, wow, my eyes, [00:17:00] wow, my eyes. You know, and I had in the back of my head what my partner tells me all the time that I have the most beautiful eyes and that he gets lost in them.
And it's like that, that recurring feedback, that loop that I'm constantly telling myself over and over and over again. It makes me feel good. And I want you to do that. I want you to practice that. Even if it literally is. I painted my nails today and they're vibrant and they're beautiful. It's a trait about you.
Or, you know what? I did my hair really, really nicely today. I curled it, or I crimped it, or I put it up in this updo. Whatever you did, and you love it, tell yourself that over and over again, every single time you pass the mirror. And then as you get more and more comfortable with standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself this, spend more time in front of the mirror.
Go to a full length mirror. Check yourself out, turn in the mirror, you know, [00:18:00] check out your ass. Even if like you walk by any reflective surface, like in the mall, it might be funny. I think we make fun of it a lot when we see people checking themselves out in the mirrors, or the windows, or the tv screens, or whatever.
But you know what? It's okay. They've got it down, Pat. Like, we should all be checking ourselves out, because we're all motherfucking hot people. And fuck it if we're not hyping ourselves up. Check yourself out. Who gives a flying fuck what anybody else thinks? You know, I used to make fun of people. You know, I'm showing my bad side here, you guys, but I used to make fun of people who had to, like, stand in front of a mirror to feel good about themselves.
But you know what? Fuck it. Feel good about yourself. Stand in front of that mirror. Check yourself out. Check out your ass. Check out your tits. Check out, you know, your shoulders. Check out your muscles. Whatever makes you feel good, check yourself out.
And tell yourself positive things about yourself. Recite positive words, find good things. And [00:19:00] then if there are areas that you want to improve, let's work on improving them. You know, right now, like I said, I've gained some weight over the past couple of years and I don't feel good in my body. So what am I doing?
I'm working on changing my diet. I'm going to the gym three times a week and finding time for movement. All the other days, you know, a friend and I are ingredient prepping so that I have healthier food in the house to snack on or make meals from. I think there's a big misconception in that
if we're feeling good about ourselves, that means we're at 100%. But here's the thing, two myths about that. One, You can be at 100%, you can be the top elite physique person going to the Arnold Worlds or whatever it's called and still have days where you don't feel good about yourself. And two, you don't need to be 100 [00:20:00] percent to feel good about yourself.
We can all have room for improvement
and having that space to improve and having that space to find different parts of ourselves I think is absolutely beautiful because we are human beings that are meant to continuously grow. We're going to age. Life is gonna happen, you know, life happened to me and I've gained weight. I lost a lot of weight back in 2013 2014, and I've increasingly gained it back, and I've gained back more.
And that's the thing is, life happens. And I could use that as an excuse and not change. And, you know, if you were to look at the scale, you would say that I haven't changed, but my physique has changed. I have more muscle versus fat. I eat healthier. I'm able to walk longer distances. My back doesn't hurt anymore.
You know, there are these things that I think a lot of people try to focus on a scale number [00:21:00] or, you know, clothing size or something, but they don't look at the all the different ways that we can change. And so just like somebody who's going to a surgeon and saying, make me look like a filter, make me look like a Kardashian.
We can go to the gym or we can go to the grocery store and say, make me look healthier. Make me feel healthier. Make my ass lift a little bit more via squats all the time or whatever hip thrusts. Or make me be able to walk a mile without being out of breath. And we can work on improving that. And that makes us feel good.
And then when we start to feel good about what we can do or whatever it is, our goal is we start to feel better about our physique. We start to feel better mentally and our body image starts to improve.
So it's okay to want to change, but also being okay and in love with yourself.
It's. I was talking to a friend recently and her and her [00:22:00] husband read this book about parenting and it said that it can be, two things can be true at once, I think is what she said. And so you can love yourself, you can be confident in yourself, and you can want to change yourself. And that's a beautiful thing.
And maybe it's not something physical, like body image wise that you want to change, but maybe it's the words you say to yourself. You know, I have a coworker who every single time I get on the phone with her, she's like, ah, you're such an idiot. And then says her name and I always have to stop and I go, Hey, you're not an idiot.
You made a mistake or you misunderstood something or you typed the formula wrong. That doesn't make you an idiot. And so maybe you're trying to change the words that you use with yourself because those do affect your body image. You're so ugly. Oh, your hair's out of place. This, that. Oh, you need makeup.
You know? I recently started realizing my [00:23:00] eyebrows disappear in photos and I don't like the way that that looks. So I bought eyebrow tint. Am I wearing it every day? No. But you know what? It makes me feel bolder. It makes me feel more confident. I didn't sit there and go, ugh, you're so ugly without eyebrows.
Ugh. I can't believe your eyebrows are disappearing. I just went, hey, I noticed they're disappearing. Cause I'm blonde. And so it gets lighter as you age. And so I was like, let me just tint it. And so I did that. I changed. I put on makeup. Who cares? We're allowed to do what we want to do. So there are these things that we can just sit here and with our body image we can be So in love with ourselves and we can love our bodies and we can love our image And we can also want to change it and change it in the direction that you want to change it Not what somebody else tells you I guarantee you if you Told my sister that I was wearing eyebrow tint because my eyebrows were disappearing in photos.
She'd be like what that's weird Why do you [00:24:00] care? You know, and that's because that's her opinion. She doesn't like makeup. She doesn't, you know, it's just not her thing. And I'm not a huge makeup wearer either, but it was like, Hey, I started noticing that it made me feel a little uncomfortable with myself.
I don't like that they disappear in photos. So I'm going to do something about it. Who cares? Does that mean every single photo I'm about to take Hold on, let me fix my eyebrows. No! But you know what? If I'm going out on a date night with my partner, and I want a nice photo with him, or if I'm going out with friends, and I think we're gonna be taking photos, I'll just put on some.
And then there are days that I forget I literally just started this. a few weeks ago when I was in Nashville because I was out with my friend and she was getting new eyebrow pencil and I was like, oh, you know, I started noticing my eyebrows are disappearing Let me talk to the guy at Sephora and see his thoughts, you know And I got it And we're trying it, and we're going to see how it turns out.
But it's these things where it's like, it doesn't have to be a big thing. It doesn't have to be a [00:25:00] small thing either. If you want to lose a hundred pounds, or you want to gain a hundred pounds because you're tiny and you want to become a bodybuilder, go for it. Change it. Love yourself. Through whatever change it is that you want to make, and don't let other people hold you down for it.
And you know what? Go for it. If you are somebody who wants to go and get Botox and you are somebody who wants to look like a filter, great. Make it happen. If that makes you feel good inside, and if you're going to love yourself through that, then do it. I'm not here to shame you. I'm not here to tell you that you're wrong.
But I would encourage you before you go down that route, because A, it's expensive, and B, it's not natural to the body. I would encourage you to find other means. Love yourself. and see if that improves your perspective before you head down that path of basically no return because you can undo a surgery [00:26:00] but your body is going to be forever changed from it.
So that's potty image. There's a lot more I could say about it. I have probably other tips and stuff and I'll get into those in other episodes, but I want to be mindful of the length of this episode and also I am getting hungry so I want to go eat. I love you all. I hope that this episode was helpful. I hope that you love yourself more every every more and more every day and I hope that you're not afraid to change the things that you want to change because it doesn't take away from the love that you have for yourself.
Remember it's a Both can be true. You can love yourself and want to change. You can make a change and be confident in it. All right, I love you all. Have a great rest of your day. [00:27:00]
