EPISODE 16: Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex

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THE LOWDOWN

In this episode, we dive deep into the often-avoided topic of sex and the importance of having open conversations about it. We explore various aspects, from discussing preferences with your partner to educating children about consent and bodily autonomy.

Sex is a topic that many find uncomfortable, but it's crucial to break down the barriers and have honest discussions. We share personal experiences, like navigating conversations with partners and exploring our own bodies.

Avoiding conversations about sex can lead to misunderstandings, shame, and even resentment. It's essential to create a safe space for open dialogue, respecting each other's boundaries and desires.

We touch on the societal influences that shape our perceptions of sex, from religious teachings to cultural norms. These influences can impact how we communicate with our partners and view our own sexuality.

Ultimately, embracing open communication about sex can lead to healthier relationships, both with ourselves and with others. It's about understanding and accepting each other's needs and desires, without judgment or shame. So let's start breaking down those barriers and having the conversations that matter.

MENTIONED IN SHOW:

Website: www.lovealwaysjess.com/getstarted

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love.always.jess

SHOW NOTES:

Episode begins at [00:00:54]

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Hello, hello, hello. I hope that your week is off to a fabulous start or that it's been going well so far. I'm enjoying the bright, beautiful sun while we record this. We've had a few weeks of rain here in Southern California, so it's been nice to have a little bit of a change, warmer weather. Not exactly excited for the summer weather coming, but it's definitely nice to be able to enjoy a little bit of sunshine.

Today, we are going to focus on conversations surrounding ignoring or avoiding the difference conversations and topics surrounding sex.

This can range anywhere from having conversations with your partner about what you are or aren't enjoying. It can be avoiding conversations having with your, your [00:01:00] medical doctors about things that may or may not affect your body. It can also be Avoiding or ignoring conversations that you need to have with your children or with students from a school perspective.

All that kind of stuff. Sex is one of those topics that we really try to avoid as a society. It can be an awkward conversation to have. We may not entirely know. the words to put behind what it is that we want to say. it may be difficult to find comfort in speaking to somebody about it or finding a way to make them feel comfortable.

I definitely do put a lot of responsibility of that uncomfortability stemming from we [00:02:00] don't grow up talking about sex and so it's really hard to formulate what it is that we feel. Or what it is actually happens during intercourse or during any other form of sex.

One of the biggest things that I personally find when I talk to other people is that I'm very comfortable talking about sex. And I will say anything or listen with intent or ask questions. And a lot of people are like, Whoa, um, I can't believe you just asked that, or I Not sure how to answer that question or I don't how are you comfortable with sharing that type of thing Because I'll just casually blurt it out.

If you ask my friends sex tends to come up a lot and maybe it's a little bit annoying but It's definitely something that [00:03:00] I'm super comfortable around And I do have to sometimes consider my audience and changing my vocabulary or changing the way I talk about certain things. to match that audience.

I am by no means an expert in all

ways and forms of talking about sex, especially when it comes to sex education in the school system or talking to younger children about sex. There are different levels of comfortability and different ways to go about those conversations when it does come to younger children. I am definitely a huge proponent of talking about sex at age appropriate, , levels, I guess.

We shouldn't obviously be talking about kink or really the physical acts of sex. With really young [00:04:00] children. What we should be focused on is things that are age appropriate for them. For instance, using anatomically correct body parts, talking to them about consent, and not consent from a sex perspective, but consent from a body perspective.

Do you want to hug this person? If not, if you're not comfortable with it, That's fine. Oh, somebody hit you or somebody poked you and you didn't like that. Let's talk to them about it and share with them why we didn't like it and that and ask them not to do that again. Those are all things that are Age appropriate for young, for younger children and as kids begin to age, we begin to add in different things such as walking them through puberty milestones and talking to them about exploration of the body.

And again, it doesn't have to be centered around sex, but having these [00:05:00] conversations from a young age begins to create a sense of

bodily autonomy, and

understanding of what is physically happening with a person's body. I think beginning these conversations with children, and as they age, adding in age appropriate things, can, from a societal perspective, create this atmosphere of sex is healthy, sex is good, within a certain capacity. Obviously. We don't want young children running around and getting pregnant and not understanding what's going on with their bodies.

So we need to be able to, we need to be able to share with them what is happening with their bodies and what is healthy for them at their [00:06:00] age. The other thing we want to keep in mind is,

similar to what we talked about in last week's episode, is we never want to make somebody feel shameful for what is happening within their bodies. And obviously, that's We've all, as adults, gone through puberty, and our bodies have changed. We've grown body hair, started our periods, um, learned that our bodies give off odor because our hormones are shifting, and there's so much that changes within the body, to our sexual organs, but also to our body as a whole, that it's important to share with you.

children what is happening to their bodies at their specific age so that they don't feel ashamed, so that we can create a sense of this is normal, this is a positive thing, this is a healthy thing, this is, everybody experiences [00:07:00] this, you're not alone in it, and maybe you're going through puberty, or maybe this is, you're developing faster than some of your peers, but they're eventually going to get caught up to you.

And when we create that acceptance around what is happening with our bodies, then it also in turn creates body positivity, Self awareness, self love, and that strong and impactful acceptance of one's body and one's changing nature can lead into a healthy perspective when it comes to sex. Now it's not 100 percent always guaranteed, but if we start these conversations, start these age appropriate

discussions and education with people as they go through their different life stages, then we can almost in a way [00:08:00] change the course and change the direction of where society is when it comes to sex. It's definitely something that people don't like to talk about it. We can see that from our political perspective right now in America.

We can see that people are very much like, hush, hush, don't talk about this. We have bills being passed to take education of sex and all things pertaining to sex out of schools. We have Parents being attacked are parents doing the attacking. There's just a lot of fear mongering going on around sex. And when we talk about sex, sex is not just the physical act of penis and vagina, oral, manual, whatever.

Sex encompasses us as a whole, as human beings. Because we have sex organs. And we have [00:09:00] gender and we have our different likes and dislikes when it comes to the opposite sex or the same sex for who we're attracted to. And all of these things fall under the umbrella of sex. And when we avoid it or when we ignore it or when we try to push it down and prevent conversations from happening around these topics, we create shame, we create fear, we create a lot of unknown and taboo.

And we all know what happens when you tell somebody not to push the red button. They instinctively want to push the red button. But what happens is If they're not fully educated on what the outcome of pushing the red button is, then it can lead to dangerous outcomes down the road. And when I say dangerous [00:10:00] outcomes, I don't necessarily mean like, the worst of the worst that we've been taught.

I talked about in the last episode about how I was told that if you had premarital sex you'd get an STI. Yes, okay, that could happen. But if we only teach on that, Then nobody knows what to do if that were to happen, or somebody may learn that. What their partner is doing to them isn't pleasurable, but they don't know how to formulate those words.

And so then it creates conflict in a relationship. And then it, the, the relationship might lead to divorce. Like all these different things can happen from a lack of education, from a lack of acceptance, and open and honest conversations surrounding sex.

I think back to college and how I had friends who didn't grow up having conversations around [00:11:00] sex. outside of the church telling them that it's bad and that they're going to hell for it. So many of my friends would engage in sex with their partners and then they'd come back home afterwards and they'd cry.

They'd cry because they devalued themselves according to the church, or they ruined their relationship by having sex, or they ruined any potential future they had with any partner because they weren't worthy of marriage, because they weren't pure, they weren't complete, they weren't whole.

And that stems from only being told that sex is bad. There's no other conversation around what sex is supposed to be like and where your true value and worth comes from. Now, from a Christian perspective, we're taught that our [00:12:00] value and worth comes from God, which is true, but we're also taught that God forgives our sins.

And we're also taught that we're supposed to love. our neighbors 100 percent wholly and not judge them. But what the church is doing is they're telling its congregants, sex is bad. If you have sex, you're a sinner. You're going to hell. You're not lovable.

And so, there's a lack of acceptance, and there's a lack of love that is coming from avoiding all of these other conversations around sex. So then when people do get married, and they go to have sex,

They're just taught it's bad, and then you get married, and it's good. They're not taught how to converse about it. They're not taught how to talk about their bodies, or feel about their bodies, or explore their bodies. They're taught [00:13:00] shame. And then that shame sends them into avoiding either sex altogether, or avoiding talking to their partner.

about their likes and dislikes, about what brings some pleasure, or maybe about, hey, my body isn't sure what to do. I have pain in areas that I didn't know I could have pain,

or sometimes the things that we do are too intense. Or even just generic conversations around, Hey, I'm pleading right now. I'm on my period. How do we feel about period sex? This is how my body feels on the different days of my cycle.

So when we focus on only one narrative and we avoid the rest of the stories and conversations surrounding everything else, we teach people how to be avoidant. and how to [00:14:00] ignore. And then because of that ignoring and that avoiding, people begin to feel shame or they begin to feel disconnection and that leads to more negativity.

One of the other things that I recognized from college was how many people were afraid to walk into a store and buy condoms and then they panicked because they had unprotected sex and thought, oh my gosh, I might be pregnant.

Because we avoid conversations and educating people on proper protection, whether or not that be with the use of condoms or birth control,

when we avoid those conversations, then we do find that people are having unwanted pregnancies. or there's a prevalent spread of STIs.

And depending upon your perspective, those may not be a good thing or they may be something that you're just [00:15:00] like, hey, it happens. We can work through this. We can figure it out. But because so many of my peers in college were afraid to walk into stores and get condoms because of that lack of education, There was another wall built for avoiding.

They avoided the protection. They avoided the protection conversations with their partners. They avoided being prepared for themselves. I am definitely one of those women who believes that both partners should have protection.

It's not just on the male partner or the more dominant partner. All partners should have some form of protection at all times. I have a box of condoms underneath my sink. My partner has a box of condoms at his place. All of my partners and I have always. in some way, shape, or form had protection. And if we didn't have [00:16:00] protection, we were walking into a store and buying them.

There was one night I sent my partner into a gas station to buy condoms. He bought the kind I didn't like. And so I made him take me to Target and I bought the kind that I do like, you know, and I wasn't embarrassed, because one thing my parents always taught us, which I've said before, is if you're not ready to buy condoms, if you're not ready to talk to your doctor about protection, then you're not ready to have sex.

Because until you're ready to have the conversations about, okay, are we not going to use protection, and why are we not going to use protection, here are the consequences that happen if we don't use protection. Maybe consequences is the wrong word. Outcomes that happen if we don't use protection. And if we're not going to use protection, here are my boundaries.

Until we're ready to have those conversations, we better be using protection. And if we're not ready to use protection, or if we're not ready to have conversations [00:17:00] around using protection, or we're not ready to buy protection, or ask for protection, then we're not ready to have sex. And without having these conversations with people, especially with the younger generations, the younger population, we're going to create an older population who avoids and doesn't know what happens when, oops, I didn't use protection and he came inside of me, so I may or may not be pregnant.

You know, we don't know what to do next, and then we panic, or we avoid, and then eight weeks later, we realize, my period's two months late. And then sometimes in some states, it's too late to get an abortion, or it's too late to figure out what the next step is.

So these conversations around avoiding can, sorry, avoiding these conversations around sex, All that it [00:18:00] entails can be detrimental, can lead to outcomes that we aren't happy with. And I'm sure if you talk to people, they're going to say, Well, I didn't use protection, I wound up pregnant, and I'm happy with my children.

Great, 100%, I'm happy for you. But that doesn't mean that your lack of having that conversation or your lack of being educated on that wasn't important. I'm glad you're happy with your outcome, but you should have still been able to be fully in the know of the ins and outs of sex, given your age, given your level of responsibility.

Now the other area where not avoiding is important is when it comes to your partnerships.

I will scream it from the rooftops. Do not fake your [00:19:00] orgasm. And the reason I say this is because we have been taught, especially as women, that in order to make a male partner feel good about what he's done, we need to have orgasmed. We need to have been brought to completion. However, are hundreds of different reasons why that should not be the focus.

And oftentimes that scenario, the focus is on penis and vagina intercourse.

Studies have shown that people who are in lesbian relationships tend to have bigger and better and more orgasms than in heterosexual relationships. And there, there is a reason for that. And that comes from education around sex because a lot of people grow up only being taught about penis and vagina intercourse.

They [00:20:00] aren't taught about how women, their anatomy is set up differently. And so the clitoris tends to bring them to bigger and better and more orgasms than having a penis inside of

There are reasons for these avoiding conversations, but society has taught us. that

we need to be able to just show our partner that we had a good time. And oftentimes that is in faking an orgasm.

I am 100 completely percent, completely honest with my partners. If I haven't came, I tell them, you know, I had a great time. I enjoyed my time thoroughly, 100%. But today I didn't come. And that's not a reflection of them. Sometimes I'm not in the headspace. Sometimes my body is just not in the mood. Or [00:21:00] sometimes maybe what we were doing didn't work.

And that's okay. It doesn't mean that there's good and bad sex. I'm sure there is bad sex, but just because you did an orgasm doesn't mean that your experience in that moment wasn't good. Do some of my partners take it to heart if I don't orgasm? Sometimes, but we have a conversation around that.

We have also been taught from a societal perspective, especially in heterosexual relationships, that any form of usage of a toy means that the man is inadequate. But the beautiful thing about toys is that they're meant to enhance pleasure. But because we're taught from a male dominating patriarchal society that toys are bad, we don't know how to open the conversation up to this.

And so we [00:22:00] avoid and then we turn around and we fake our orgasms because we need to make sure that our partner feels like they satisfy us. And I'm not putting the blame on women here. I'm not putting the blame on either or partner. I'm just stating that these are things that lead us to avoiding and ignoring having conversations or exploring our bodies.

I personally do not like to use my hand when I masturbate. I prefer using a toy. I ultimately prefer having sex with my partner, but sometimes I need to take care of myself and I know from self exploration that I prefer not to use my hand. And I think a part of that does stem from being on a Christian college campus at the time that I was beginning to more openly explore my body.

And I was [00:23:00] taught that it's wrong to masturbate. Again, that narrative didn't come from my parents. It came from my peers, and it came from the faculty on campus.

I was told, you are a sinner if you masturbate. And so it took a little bit of time for me to feel comfortable touching myself.

The other thing that I remember from that day and age is

I was really tight and so it was really hard to use toys. I went and got a pap smear when I turned 21 and she couldn't get the speculum all the way inside of me and kept shoving it inside of me and I ended up like crying on the table and she couldn't understand why I was crying but I was in a lot of pain and so there was just this like fear of like there's something wrong with me and so I avoided.

[00:24:00] I avoided looking at myself and touching myself, and I avoided trying to use toys.

Because there's got to be something wrong with me. I can't use tampons because they cause me pain. I get stomach aches. And so there's got to be something wrong with my anatomy. And so I avoided, I avoided, learning about and exploring my body during that timeframe. And it wasn't until I started dating a partner in my late twenties and I was like, Oh, I want to have sex with this person and I know it's going to hurt.

So let me try to explore a little bit more. And it was a struggle.

I didn't a hundred percent like it, but eventually I had sex with that person and then it became easier to explore myself. Because I could use toys without pain and obviously sex with him was [00:25:00] fun. And so I began to explore myself and enjoy my body a little bit more and learning more about my body. And I continue to do that with each partner.

Because my relationship with each partner is going to be different. And so my sexual relationship with each partner is going to be different, but I spent a good 5 or 6 years avoiding the exploration of my body

because of things that happened back in college, being taught that I was going to hell for masturbating, my doctor basically trying to force a pap smear on me because it wasn't working, all of these things. And so there were moments. of avoiding and ignoring and being like, oh, well, it's a problem, but I'm gonna like, is it a problem with me or is it a problem with them?

And we all know it's a problem with them, but it was this, I'm just going to avoid it. And I could openly talk about sex with my friends and I listened to them and I'd give them advice and all that kind [00:26:00] of stuff. But like internally I was avoiding.

And so when it came time to have sex with partners, I didn't always know what I liked, and I had to learn that, and then I had to learn how to have those conversations with my partners, and they're not always easy. You know, sometimes I've been really, really frustrated with a partner, and I've snapped, and I've been like, you do this, and I hate it, and it's That probably wasn't the best thing to do.

And because I avoided that conversation, or I ignored that being an issue for me, it came out in the wrong way. It didn't come out in a healthy way. And when we avoid all these things, And we pretend they don't exist, we harbor resentment towards our past, towards our present, and towards our future. And that resentment may be something that we've been taught, it may be resentment against ourselves, [00:27:00] or it may be resentment against a partner,

or it may be resentment against a peer. Because, like I know for me, I can't wear tampons. And, So whenever I go, my period sucks because I, you know, I leak or whatever, I have people who are like, Oh, have you tried a cup? And I've, I've tried different things. I've tried discs, cups, tampons, whatever, you name it.

But one of the biggest problems that I find with my anatomy is that if anything's inside there for too long, I begin to cramp and it's painful. And so that's an issue that I recognize. And so that's something when it comes to like sex. I may want to have sex, but I might be on my period. And so I might try to insert a disc, but it can't be in there for too long because then I'll start to hurt.[00:28:00]

Or if I think about birth control, I can't go on an IUD because anything inserted is going to hurt. It's going to cramp. My body is going to want to reject it. And so those are things that I have to keep in mind. But then I go and I talk to my peers, and they're all like, Oh, have you tried this? Have you done this?

Everybody loves to get their opinion. And while it's helpful, And while we think we're being helpful, sometimes we're just creating this narrative in somebody else's mind that they're doing it wrong.

And so that brings me to a point of, if you're talking to somebody, or somebody is sharing open and intimate things with you, we have to be mindful of how we respond.

We don't want to respond in a way that's going to cause them to close off even more. We don't want to respond in a way that's going to cause them to want to avoid the conversation [00:29:00] altogether or feel shame or feel hurt from the conversation. We want to make sure that We ask them, what is your desired outcome from this conversation?

Are you trying to vent? Are you trying to share? Do you want me to give you feedback? Do you want me to give you opinions? What is your desired outcome?

And then we need to respect that. The same goes for if we're to approach a partner. To talk about sex, we need to ask them, are you in the headspace to have this conversation right now? I'm sure a lot of you have heard the best time to bring up any conversations around sex is not when you're having sex.

Because that is the time that somebody is going to shut down.

You can try to coach somebody during sex in a kind way and be like, oh, that feels good when you do that. Oh, can you move your hand over here? Can you try to do this? Can you try to do that? But we don't want to say, [00:30:00] you suck at this, or we need to be better at this. We want to try to use positive reinforcement during sex.

And then after sex, ask your partner, Hey, are you in the mindset to have a conversation around this? Would you prefer we talk about this over dinner? Do you want to find 30 minutes after dinner to talk about this? What is an easy way for you to communicate? Because we want to respect the different emotions and feelings that can come up around sex.

It is a very vulnerable topic.

I'm sure we have all been in some form of conversation around sex where we have been made, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to feel bad for something we have did. Or something that we enjoy and then that causes us to shut down and avoid.

You know, there was one [00:31:00] time with one of my partners where

I bit them at the wrong angle and I caused their penis to bruise. And clearly it stopped sex altogether, and I felt so horrible,

and it wanted, I wanted to shut down, and I wanted to avoid that it happened, and I wanted to fix it right away, and then I was like, oh my gosh, this person hates me, they're never going to want to have sex with me again, and it didn't get to that, but it was this like, Shit hit the fan. How do we talk about this?

How do we move forward from this?

Because when we're in the middle of sex and when we're naked and vulnerable and everything is basically out in the open and something bad happens or something negative happens, Our bodies go into like fight or flight mode, like, oh shit, like, we panic, and so when we're having these [00:32:00] conversations around sex with our partners, whether or not we're talking about like, hey, I want to explore something new, so it can be a positive thing, or we're talking about, hey, Hey.

When you do this, it doesn't work for me. Can we, you know, like, what can we do? Or, my body really isn't tolerating certain positions or certain acts. Or maybe we are somebody who experienced sexual pain. How do you talk to your partner about that? How do you begin to explore the ins and outs of what does and doesn't work for your body?

Obviously doing that in a very vulnerable state isn't the answer. So I want to encourage you that if you do need to have conversations with your partners, which I'm sure we all at some point in our relationships do, I want to encourage you to ask your partner, hey, when [00:33:00] would be a good time to talk about this?

Some partners may ask for more details to prepare themselves. But try not to do a full deep dive vent or dump on your partner until you both are in the headspace to have that conversation. Give them a little bit of detail. Hey, I want to talk about the exploration of toys. I want to talk about what you said the other day in terms of this.

Or, you know, I was talking to Susie and she talked to her, or she told me that her and her partner are opening the relationship. I just want to have a conversation about what your thoughts are on that, and if that's something that you would ever want to explore. And I'd like to share with you where my thoughts are on that.

Your partner may not be sure how to react to certain things you want to talk about, [00:34:00] and if they try to Dive deeper into it in that moment. Say, hey, this is why I'm asking you when it works for you, because I'm not in the headspace to have this conversation, or I don't know if you're in the headspace to have the conversation, so I want to make sure that we're both prepared to come together with mutual love, understanding, and respect for one another.

Because that's the key. We don't want to. jump into a conversation that is going to cause somebody to react if they're not prepared. And I don't mean prepared in the sense of, have they done all their research? Have they thought through everything? Have you given them a list of questions that you're going to walk through and ask them?

I just mean prepared in the sense of, can they come to this conversation? And can you come to this conversation? with an open heart and an open mind and not [00:35:00] react as if your partner is attacking you. Because when things are thrown at us, we're human and we tend to jump to the defensive mode. I do it. I'm not exempt from it.

And then we say things In a snap way where, but you do this instead of taking a moment to be like, Hey, this isn't my partner attacking me. This is my partner sharing something with me and being open with me so that we can. assess the situation and figure out the outcome together. One of my favorite things to hear, and I'm sure you've heard it, is especially in partnership, it's not you and I against each other, it's you and I against the problem.

And the problem might not even be a bad thing, it's just whatever it is that you have to figure out as a partnership [00:36:00] Whatever it is that you have to figure out, it's the two or three or four, however many are in your partnership, of you against coming up with a solution, coming up with an understanding.

And it's really easy to avoid these conversations, these talks. It's really easy to say, we'll get to it later, or I can just find a way to come up with a solution for this on my own. And. You know what? If my partner isn't able to make me orgasm, that's okay. I know how to do it myself and that's just how I'm going to live the rest of my life.

But then you might find that eventually you don't want to have sex with your partner because you think that your partner needs to bring you to orgasm. You might even just think in general that the whole sole purpose of sex is to achieve orgasm, which that isn't always the case. Sex [00:37:00] is much bigger and broader.

and deeper thing than that. And if we're chasing one goal and one outcome and not having conversations with ourselves and having conversations with our partners, about what it is that we want,

then we're going to be fixated on this goal or this outcome, and if we can't get there, then eventually we're going to stop trying to get there, and we're going to stop having sex with our partners altogether. One of the biggest things that I've been hearing recently is how With social media, and tech, and internet, and the younger generation's requirement of screen time is how sex is becoming less and less of a thing.

Because there's no interpersonal relationships being formed. Relationships are being formed behind a [00:38:00] screen. So we're avoiding that face to face connection. We're avoiding intimacy on a physical level. And not just in sex, but in relation. We don't know how to talk to people that we meet in person, let alone how to have sex with them, how to open ourselves up to being hurt or possibly falling in love and then creating those intimate connections.

And that's a difficult thing. Because when we do open ourselves up, we do open ourselves up to be hurt. Because our partner may not hear us. Our partner may tell us that we're wrong for the things that we like, for the things that we do.

Or our partner may tell us that our body is broken. When that is complete bullshit, because you're not broken, but because our partner has been educated incorrectly, [00:39:00] they're taking their narratives, they're taking what they've been taught. And bringing it into the relationship, and they're not having conversations around

their true thoughts. They're not having conversations to open their minds and open their eyes to what else exists outside of what they've been taught.

And this is why it's important to work through not avoiding having these conversations. I suggest starting out small.

Hey, I love it when you undress me. Versus the two of us just walking into the bedroom and taking off our clothes individually.

Or I love it when you come up behind me and wrap your arms around me and make me feel safe and small.

Or hey, you know how you love to give me a shoulder massage? Sometimes you can be a little bit intense and it, it hurts. And so a [00:40:00] good way to help turn me on would be to lighten your touch.

Start small. Start where it's not as vulnerable. And then slowly begin to build that resilience to having the conversations.

And then work with and share with your partner what they can work on. Or what they're doing well. I also always suggest if you're having a difficult, difficult conversation, compliment your partner. Let them know, hey, I love it when you do this. Or you look so sexy, hot, or you turn me on when you do that.

Or you know how today we were having a conversation with Jim and, Jim and Jolene,

and you said this. You have never been hotter in my eyes. Compliment them. It helps [00:41:00] open their hearts and it helps open their minds. Knowing that you guys are in a partnership, that you still love them, and that you're still here, and that you still see them as human, and that you still want them to be in your life, and that you're still attracted to them.

So then, whenever, whatever comes next, they'll take more receptively.

And I've said it before, the biggest way to approach these conversations is with mutual respect. Because when you have mutual respect,

you foster a healthy relationship. environment. And maybe that's where you and your partner need to start is just fostering an environment to have these difficult conversations.

My partner and I have had to step away from the bedroom time or two to have conversations because whatever was happening in the room while we were trying to have sex [00:42:00] wasn't working. So we've taken ourselves out of the bedroom, out of the situation, found a way to connect with each other. in a different way and then had conversations and we've been able to come back and have a deeper, more grounding, understanding, and intimate sexual session.

When we avoid, it really, it leads to resentment. But when we come with respect, when we come with honesty, when we come with openness, we begin to create an environment where we can Be fully and wholly ourselves and there's no greater place In my opinion than having sex with your partner that is built around each person being wholly and fully themselves.

I encourage you to have open and honest conversations with your partners, [00:43:00] and to work on not avoiding, and not just your partners, but don't avoid the conversations of sex. Be mindful of the situations you're in. Be mindful of the people around you. Be mindful of age appropriate information and education.

But let's begin to foster healthy conversations, healthy education, healthy talks around sex, because it's going to build a better world. Sex is not going anywhere. We might see the younger generations having less and less sex, but in order to carry on the Sex has to be had because we are not at a place yet where science can do it all.

I'm sure it's being worked on, but we have seen in the past couple of years Bill's being passed. We just saw that last month in [00:44:00] Alabama, where IVF is being affected. But that's not the point of this conversation. The point of this conversation is, sex isn't going anywhere. And it's a healthy aspect of any partnership.

So we need to be able to have conversations around it. We need to be able to

be ourselves when it comes to sex, instead of avoiding. So I wish you the best. And if you have any, any questions. Reach out to me. Let's hop on a call. If you need to figure out a way to approach your partner, or you need to figure out a way to talk to your child or a friend, or talk to somebody,

reach out to me and I can help you work through that. Because conversations around sex are not easy.

They do get better. So, have a great rest of your week, and I love you, and here's to less [00:45:00] and less avoiding. Bye.